**Our newest print, Womanhood, was made for a Woman’s Conference I spoke at recently. I thought I would share my talk from that day here. It’s long, but it is from the heart. I hope something here resonates with your own story and the way you seek out the Savior for strength. xo Jenny
I recently learned about a framework for Womanhood from an incredible woman, Elle Rowley, on her podcast called Down the Well. I’m so grateful she shared because it has given me language for common experiences in a woman’s life as she co-creates with God.
This is how Elle introduced the framework. She said -
“Today, I want to propose a map. It's a map that we've lost, that I want to reclaim and rediscover.
It's not a rigid formula. It's not a prescription for every woman's life but it's a map that can help us all in our journey.
It's a way of naming a pattern that appears across myth, psychology, scripture, and lived experience. It's the maiden to mother to matriarch progression - that uniquely feminine arc, that feminine path. I know many women are living a version of this path, but without language for it. And when there's no language, there's often unnecessary confusion. Experiences that might otherwise feel meaningful start to merely feel private, something you don't know how to talk about. Transformations that might be understood as developmental begin to feel like personal failure.”
This map of womanhood has been written about since the beginning of time and is all over scripture. This is our roadmap of becoming the women God intended us to become. I think it’s so important to emphasize that the specifics will look different for us all, but we can trust that, in every era of our life, God will still provide a version of this framework to help us to develop and move along the covenant path.
The three phases of the Womanhood framework are the Maiden, the Mother and the Matriarch. For each Era we will discuss Orienting Question, Task, Reward and Scriptural Example. Again, thank you to Elle for much of this language!
THE MAIDEN
This season of a young woman’s life is centered around choice and agency. She is oriented toward identity formation. She is curious about the world around her. She is exploring her options. She is open to all her possibilities for what to choose in her life.
Her Orienting Questions are: What is true? What is good? Who am I becoming? What kind of work, meaning and future am I moving toward?
The maiden is often culturally idealized. We love her because she aligns so well with modern values of aspiration, self-definition, independence, mobility, potential, external achievement. We often idealize her youth and beauty and optionality. Sometimes women can get stuck here in the Maiden. But God’s plan is for PROGRESSION AND BECOMING. Holy Transformation. So, pain and damnation (in the literal sense of being stuck in your progression) happens when we seek to stay in the Maiden’s realm.
A healthy Maiden explores and learns about who she is - what she loves and believes. She often looks to women further down the development path for clues as to where she is going and who to follow.
Critically, the Maiden is always faced with a crossroads moment that revolves around a COSTLY YES. Her task is to make a consecrated choice that leads her to the next phase.
We see the Maiden appear often in scripture:
It is young Rebekah, making a choice about who she will serve and at what level, and then ultimately deciding to leave her home for an unfamiliar land and people to be married.
It is Ruth telling Naomi, “Where you go, I will go. Your people will be my people” knowing that there would be enormous cultural and personal consequences.
It is Esther, stepping forth, trusting that she was born for such a time as this.
And of course it is a young Mary, telling the angel of the Lord that YES, she will do what was asked of her, no matter how impossible it seemed. Could she have known the incredibly beautiful and painful experiences with the Savior that lay before her when she told the angel “Behold the Handmaid of the Lord.”
This is the maiden’s path - she is faced with a choice - or a series of choices without fully knowing what adventures and sorrows will lie ahead. In my painting, the maiden is looking around but is also holding the scarf or veil of the next phase of womanhood. The Mother!
THE MOTHER
The Mother phase is the one we maybe talk about the most but also I think is one we misunderstand the most. The mother’s orienting question is What will I create, sustain, and sacrifice for?
Her main tasks are to:
- Create: Bring forth something life-giving.
- Nurture: Accept responsibility for its growth and flourishing.
- Sacrifice: Give of yourself to sustain what you love.
These tasks are often expressed through the experience of raising children but can be accomplished with other roles for sure. The important part of this season is to accept responsibilities that develop selfless and Christ-like love. This is Charity! This is a season of leaning into Generative love. A transformed capacity to create and sustain life, faith, beauty, relationships, and communities.
The maiden asks, who am I becoming? The mother asks, what am I willing to create, sustain, and sacrifice for? The initiation into motherhood comes through disorientation of former self AND THIS IS BY DESIGN. Remember when Christ teaches that you must lose your life in order to find it? And this is why the transition can feel so severe. It's not just more responsibility. It's a sacred, divinely-led reorganization of the self.
Other examples of The Mother in Scriptures include:
Eve — Moses 5:10–11
She recognizes that mortality, with its sorrow and sacrifice, makes growth, posterity, and redemption possible for her family and posterity. Eve was named the Mother of All Living before she ever had children.
Jochebed, the mother of Moses — Exodus 2:1–10
She protects baby Moses from danger, then relinquishes him in an act of courageous, spirit-led maternal love.
The Widow of Zarephath — 1 Kings 17:8–24
She gives from her scarcity, demonstrating sacrificial love, trust in God, and the courage to sustain life amid uncertainty. She seeks the Prophet of the Lord with deep faith when her son falls ill.
Sarah - Book of Genesis
Believes in and waits for God’s promised fruitfulness
Hannah — 1 Samuel 1:10–28
After longing for a child, she receives Samuel and consecrates him to the Lord.
Mary — Luke 2:19, 34–35; John 19:25
She nurtures Christ as he grew from grace to grace, and she ponders in her heart what she cannot understand. And ultimately stands beside His cross. Simeon had prophesied to her 33 years earlier that “A sword shall pierce through thy own soul also.”
This is motherhood. The highest highs and very low lows. The Mother is busy looking down at her child. But she holds onto the Matriarch's veil with the arms that hold her daughter.
THE MATRIACH
And finally we have the least discussed and recognized role – The Matriarch. Her orienting question is “How can what life has formed in me become a blessing to others? What have I learned that I must now bestow onto others?”
Her tasks are centered in
- Wisdom: Integrate experience into spiritual understanding and discernment.
- Authority: Use mature judgment and influence to guide others.
- Legacy: Transmit faith, knowledge, blessings, and belonging to the next generation
What is important to remember is that we take with us the gifts and the abilities of the previous roles. But we must be primarily aware of focusing on accomplishing the main tasks of each season. She can offer Generational influence. Her accumulated wisdom and tested love become a source of guidance and blessing for others. The Matriarch transmits wisdom calmly and steadily. She is not disoriented any longer.
In scripture we can see this modeled from many beautiful women. These women are my heroes:
Deborah – Judges – A prophetess, judge, and “mother in Israel” whose wisdom and courage guide an entire people.
Naomi – Ruth – Having endured devastating loss, she guides Ruth through a new life and helps secure her future.
Abigail – 1 Samuel – She courageously intervenes to prevent bloodshed, demonstrating the Matriarch's wisdom, moral authority, and ability to guide others toward righteousness.
Elizabeth – Luke – She recognizes Mary's divine calling and blesses the younger woman with prophetic encouragement.
Anna – Luke – Decades of temple devotion have prepared her to recognize Christ and proclaim Him to others.
Lois and Eunice -2 Timothy – Their faith becomes Timothy's inheritance, illustrating the matriarch's sacred work of transmitting testimony and nurturing faith across generations.
The Matriarch looks forward with confidence and courage. She points to the Savior on the Covenant Path. She boldly proclaims FURTHER UP AND FURTHER IN!
WHY THE MAP MATTERS
Without this map, women can lack orientation and language to express what we’re experiencing.
The Maiden wonders Who am I?
The Mother feels I’ve lost myself. Where did I go?
The Matriarch thinks If only they would listen to me. I’ve got the answer.
But like with so many things in the Gospel, it is information that is offered as an INVITATION FOR EXPANSION AND UNDERSTANDING. Not to forcefully teach other people or to use in coercion. It won’t inspire. It won’t work. Heavenly Father’s plan is a plan based in AGENCY with also Natural Laws and Consequences. So, what does that mean? We teach the map of joyful womanhood by our example. We live more fully into our own roles, and we trust that mortality works. We also witness other’s eras. We notice what they are going through. We have empathy for it and we name it. Remember, the language is important.
We allow the Maiden to explore and discern. We witness the Mother’s sacrifices and her undoing and renewal. We seek out the Matriarch and honor her wisdom and bestowals of gifts.
Can you see how this all works so much better when we name it and play our parts?
MY MAIDEN ERA
I was married young, at 21, and wanted both a career and family and both full time and right away. I wanted to prove it could be done to myself and to others.
My mistake was not trying to both have a career and have a family. I LOVED being a mother. I chose it and I would choose it again and again. My pain was centered around suddenly losing the optionality of Maidenhood and not fully, actively choosing into the sacrifice required by Motherhood. I felt so overwhelmed as a result. I desperately tried to outwork the overwhelm and just GRIT IT OUT. I can give myself a lot of grace for it all now, because I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I didn’t have the language for it. I’m sure my mom, who also had a career outside the home for much of my life, was confused by my choice to keep adding things to my plate in a busy family season. She was on the other side of young motherhood and knew more than I did. But I was (unknowingly) still chasing some of the Maiden.
We were living in New York City. My husband Michael was a very busy M&A lawyer and I was working for Domino Magazine, blogging and taking on interior design clients while raising three young daughters in a big city. It was a very FULL TIME, and in many ways I felt like I could never quite get my arms around my own life.
I remember talking to my parents about my big feelings all after a really hard week. I had just been invited to be interviewed by a woman who was my career hero from the time I was in high school. She is an incredible force of nature and undoubtedly so talented, but during those few hours, observing the behind-the-scenes that day, I saw a different side of her – the way she had to move through the world to protect what she had built. This was a new level of disorientation! It was eye opening for a young mother and entrepreneur! I know that my parents were worried about me burning the candle at both ends and also about my faith, which admittedly was not my hugest priority at the time. My mother, who was just getting her sea legs as a new matriarch, saw her opening when I was crying to her on that phone call. I was confused about my identity and about what I was choosing to spend my time and energy on. I was disoriented about what motherhood was asking of me, especially as my children grew (spoiler alert: Children don’t stop needing you after the toddler years). My mom listened and validated my feelings. And then she reminded me of this quote from Sherri Dew: “Not every worthy pursuit needs to occupy the same season of our lives.”
Then she added: “Nothing has gone wrong here, Jenny. Focus on the season you are in RIGHT NOW. Happiness is identifying what is unique about right now and living deeply into it.” She was basically teaching me a version of the map! She was encouraging me to spend more time on the TASKS of MY ERA in order to feel more balance and satisfaction. To create, to nurture and to sacrifice, willingly. Not because I couldn’t do it all, but because I wanted to do more of the most important stuff. To let go a little to find myself more and most importantly, to make more room for the Lord. Later President Nelson added to this advice saying, "The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives."
This moment with my mom was a small one, that she likely doesn’t remember, and I also understand that it might not resonate with everyone. There was a time of my life that I might have been frustrated by someone else’s telling of this same story. But my experience was that this understanding, this shift that was created in me, was life changing when combined with the events the Lord was orchestrating in my life. She was the Matriarch calling the Maiden to step more fully into Motherhood. She INVITED. She didn’t overstate or overstep. She shared and left the Lord to do His work through the spirit and through my own mortal experiences.
MY MOTHER ERA
It took time and trial and error but I was able to find more balance in my career. I feel I was able to have a version of “having it all.” It has not been easy, but it was right for me and absolutely worth it all. Ultimately, I decided I would not take on any roles that would meaningfully get prioritized before my family or my faith. That was the line I drew in the sand that helped me to navigate opportunities as they came up.
With my new understanding and priorities, the Lord in his wisdom gave me a new hero and her name was Ulla.
I had a great grandmother who lived to the age of 100. She was a big part of my life growing up. (She was alive until I was almost 20) Her name was Edith Johnson. She was short, and kind, and had a VERY thick and very charming Swedish accent, and she was the best cook in the whole wide world. Grandma Edith had immigrated to America through Ellis Island in 1920 with her parents, Johan and Ulla. Growing up we loved to hear stories about what life was like in Sweden. She was the youngest daughter. Her father, Johann, was the head gardener of a large estate called Sparreholm. They lived in a small farmhouse on the other side of Lake Baven from the manorhouse. We have a very sweet video from the 90s where her grandchildren interviewed her about life and when they asked her what she did for fun, she said “Wellll WE WORKED!” :) which has become a bit of a family motto and inside joke. But Grandma Edith was the actual best because she was SO PRESENT. She loved to look you in the eyes and ask you questions. I always felt loved by her, which was so special when there were so many people in her family!
Michael and I love to travel as a family and in 2018 we decided to take our kids to Sweden to see Sparreholm, this place that loomed so large in my family’s history. In preparation for the trip, I read this book my great aunt wrote about Edith’s mother Ulla and her conversion to the LDS church. That first trip to Sparreholm exceeded every dream or expectation I had. We were able to actually go inside the old farmhouse. I saw the original stove my grandmothers cooked on all day, every day for decades. I saw the fruit trees Johann had planted. Even the wallpaper Ulla had hung. And most poignantly, I was able to have a few hours of quiet pondering alone on the shores of Lake Baven, right behind their farmhouse. This was the lake that the missionaries baptized my Grandmother Ulla in. It was April and the ice was still thick on the lake. They broke it at midnight so they could baptize her in secret since it was very much against the culture of her Lutheran community/country. Her Pastor had told their church community that if anyone even listened to the message of the Mormon missionaries, they would be shunned from the community.
Grandmother Ulla’s mother had died when she was about 10 years old, and her father pulled her out of school to have her help with housework. She loved reading and the only book they owned to help her keep up with her reading was the family bible. She read it by the firelight every night. She was a bible scholar by the time she was 27, the mother of three young children and was brave enough to disregard her Pastor’s warning and follow the feeling she had. She wrote in her life story that as soon as the Mormon missionaries began to teach about the Savior and his teachings as written in the Book of Mormon, she was flooded with the spirit of TRUTH. This was the Jesus Christ she can come to know through her time spent in the scriptures!
It would take decades of work, saving, and setbacks, but eventually, more than 30 years later, Ulla, Johan and Edith were able to immigrate to Salt Lake to be sealed in the temple. She wrote in her memoirs that the Lord blessed her to never miss her homeland or her people back in Sweden and that she only looked forward toward Zion and the blessings of the restored gospel and especially of the temple.
I could tell you stories for hours about this INCREDIBLE WOMAN. My Ulla. Since that trip to Sweden and learning about her life and her faith from this beautiful memoir, I have felt her with me. We are told that it’s our own family members that are assigned heavenly ministries to us. I have felt her and others pushing me along in each of these eras of womanhood. I feel connected to, tied into their strength, their faith and their inherited wisdom. What a gift this chain of womanhood is that we all have access to!
BEING MORE EFFECTIVE MATRIARCHS
I am not yet stepped fully into my matriarch era, but I have been blessed by many incredible Matriarchs. My own grandmothers, my mother and mother-in-law. A few incredible women in my home ward – the grandmothers of our ward! The women I serve with in the temple on Tuesday mornings. I am so blessed by these steadfast Matriarchs. As I plan for my future Matriarch era, I am taking notes. Here’s what I have observed the most impactful matriarchs are doing:
- They Stay by the tree. They FEAST upon the good fruits! The word for Endure in Greek literally means to remain underneath!! Trust in God’s Plan and that Mortality works.
- Serve but don’t solve every problem. Do not rob your child of the JOY of living fully into their eras.
- Service: Callings, Temple, missions
- Praying for a name to serve through wisdom. Also pray FERVANTLY for your children and grandchildren. These prayers are real and they matter. “The faithful prayers of her parents and grandparents are binding me”
- Tell Family History stories of faith and resilience.
- Witness the unspoken in other’s eras. Give more compliments! Build up!
Enduring to the end is the JOYOUS QUEST OF A LIFETIME as Elder Bednar has taught us! Am I feeling and expressing enough REAL JOY?
HOW CAN I CREATE MORE ABUNDANTLY WITH GOD IN THIS SEASON OF MY LIFE?
During a very difficult time in my Mother Era a number of years back, I was sitting in a Relief Society lesson and felt like the room was spinning. One of my daughters was really struggling with her health. The art business I had started as a more flexible alternative to design work was suddenly booming. Michael left his career as an attorney to run our production and fulfillment operations and to help manage our 20-employee team. I had just received a calling to be our stake’s YW president. While I was happy with the life I had created, I was feeling weary and thin on resources and creativity.
The conference talk we were studying in that lesson referred to the famous verses in Matthew chapter 11. These words were neon on the page. My skin was buzzing. I knew I was being instructed for this exact moment of my life, for this part of the journey in my womanhood:
In these verse Christ says:
Come unto Me – This means turn to Him. Need him more in your life. In your maidenhood. Your motherhood. Your era as a matriarch.
All ye that labor and are heavy laden, – We are doing a GREAT WORK in all of these eras! It is all HEAVY! And all of us are carrying a weight.
And I will give you rest. – He is the only source of true rest. In a world with infinite outlets for avoidance, He is the only true source of peace and rest. But He goes on to teach us HOW…
Take My yoke upon you – Oh boy! I thought we were resting here?! No, we are working but with the best partner. He says first take up the yoke. Accept the calling. Accept the invitation. Go deeper into the scriptures. Deeper into covenant relationship with Him. And how do we do that?
and learn of Me, – We MUST LEARN OF HIM! Just like my relationship with my angel Ulla opened up when I learned of her, I have committed to learn of HIM by reading the scriptures EVERY DAY, by being in the temple every week and by studying the words of the living prophets. Jesus Christ is a REAL person to me now. Just like he came alive for my matriarch Ulla. And then Christ tells a little about who He is.
for I am meek and lowly in heart, – He is different from the world. He is not loud and bossy. He doesn’t need to be understood or always seen. He is meek. He is humble. He is so kind. And because of his perfect love for us…
and ye shall find rest unto your souls. – The realest rest. Soulful rest that comes when we have endure well. Endured in his love and in the work he has asked us to do.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light! – When we do the Lord’s work, in His way, our work feels Joyful, Easeful, Light and Happy. What if we started doing our work in the Lord’s way? What would shift in your daily life if it could all be more easeful and light?
The REST you are looking for is found in the taking on of His yoke! The gifts of womanhood are revealed in the process of engaging deeply with the work of your era!! This space of showing up with the math isn’t adding up on time and energy – this is where Heavenly Father likes to show us His awesome power. To show us how GOD MATH works! It is while serving in my callings (literally in the middle of the craziest times of my personal and professional lives) that I was given my best business ideas and the ideas for my paintings. My greatest downloads about and for my family were received on the temple trips I almost didn’t make. And when three years ago, I prayed for more time in my week to do it all, I received the strong and immediate answer to become a temple worker (Like, huh? This was not on my bingo card). But my weekly date with the Lord serving in his temple shown me what God’s math really is. It really has multiplied my time and my efforts. It has made me a more present and nurturing mother. It has placed a clarifying filter of TRUTH over my life. The Lord’s greatest desire is for us to reach our potential. This is his great creative work and ours. To engage in His work through our own. To evolve. To learn. To teach. To lead. To love and to BECOME.
What a beautiful plan for us all!
There is a phrase that come up so often in the scriptures when talking about Christ. It says He stood IN THE MIDST over and over again. This is the Christ I have come to know. He is right in the middle of it all. Of every phase and era of Womanhood.
We are never alone in this work that can often feel lonely. In every era of our lives we have a partner, a best friend who completely, fully GETS IT. He is the veil, connecting us forward and backward, enabling us with his protection, power and strength. Through Him, we can do all things.
